I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
