I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
