saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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