We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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