using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
