so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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