Don't make out with my wife yet
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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