just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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