yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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