Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
