I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
