im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
