exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
