every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
