We're facebook friends in real life
Are we in a gay sports bar?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We had sex on a dog bed..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
