I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
