I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
