My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
