I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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