I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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