this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
