Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
