Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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