yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
