and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
