I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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