Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
