did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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