Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
