I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
