singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
