With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
