i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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