So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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