Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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