6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
