Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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