Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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