I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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