if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
