I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
