Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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