Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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