theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
