I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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