I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she woke up with a sticky ear
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
