Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
