I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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