i think i have two assholes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
