You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
