I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
